It's not easy to forget
by superfan92
Summary: I held her hand tighter and walked with her to the begining and end of everything


I don't own Icarly or any of the characters.

I pulled the uncomfortable chair up to her bedside. I hesitantly reached for her pale hand. I studied her face. The dark blue veins behind her eyelids, her once flushed cheeks empty. I took a deep breathe and chocked back a tear. I hadn't been in a hospital since my father died, 10 years ago. The only memory of that was what I retained in my 7 year old brain. For some reason this hurt a lot more than my dad. She was nothing like my dad. He was militaristic and liked everything perfect. She was sloppy and never seemed to care about the stain on the wall. I rubbed my thumb around her hand and let a tear slip.

"Freddie?" I looked up at Carly standing in the doorway. I didn't speak she slowly came over and wrapped her arms around me. I closed my eyes. I didn't want Carly, I wanted Sam.

I remember dancing around the kitchen with the two girls. Holding Sam around her waist and twirling her around. The way she laughed. The way she smiled. I remembered going to the groovy smoothie and watching her down 3 smoothies. Standing next to her locker and eating whatever food she stashed in there. Sitting on the couch watching celebrities underwater. I remember how her blue eyes sparkled when she was happy. I looked down at the girl lying motionless in the bed. This defiantly wasn't Sam.

I was at Carly's when Spencer called and told us Sam was in a car accident with her mom. When we arrived we had to sit in the waiting room for hours. Carly saw her first, and I was alone. I bit my lip and tapped my foot against the floor. When I went in I couldn't believe the sight. She was no longer strong she lay there looking dead. She had been in the hospital for 5 days, never waking up.

"Freddie? Go home," Carly whispered in my ear.  
"I can't leave her alone," I answered still watching Sam  
"I'll be here with her, go take a shower."  
"I took one this morning."  
"Freddie, you can't just sit here all day."  
"Why not?" I yelled pushing her off me," Look at her Carl's, she's…" I couldn't bring myself to say it. Carly was on the verge of tears when she walked out. I sat back down and laid my head on Sam's arm. I didn't want Sam to see me cry. I sat like that for a while. When I sat up I leaned into her ear and whispered the 3 words I had always been to scared to say, "I love you." I may have imagined it, but she smiled. Twitching her lips up. That's when the LCD started beeping this terrible noise. Doctors rushed in and pushed me out. I kept asking what was going on but no one answered. After the pushed me out of the room a nurse held me back.

"Sam!" I screamed pushing her off. A doctor came out and steadied me  
"I'm so sorry, she's gone." That's when everything stopped. The clock on the wall stayed still at exactly 8:37 AM. My breathing stopped and everything was still. The doctor let go off me and I entered her room. The machines were switched off and she was dead. I sat next to her on the bed and cried. Cried until every ounce of water was drained from my body. I held her limp form in my arms and buried my face in her shoulder.

"Sam," I pleaded with her," please wake up, please." I cried some more and a Doctor told me I had to leave. I called Carly who joined me at the hospital and cried almost as much as me. She refused to see Sam's body and sat in the waiting room looking scared and pained as Spencer went in to get one last look at her.

They buried her on a Saturday. under a huge oak at the far end of the cemetery. I laid a black orchid on her coffin, because they were her favorite. After the ceremony I went home and laid in bed crying for hours. Carly came over but I told her to leave. A week after her death I went to the cemetery to visit. I knelt by the fresh grave and whispered I loved her, one last time. I left the cemetery and never looked back. I hid all my pictures of her and tried my best to forget. Eventually I did forget about the blonde headed demon who stole my heart.

I was 25 when I thought of her again. I was walking down the street when I saw a blonde woman going into a store. I ran after her and grabbed her shoulders. She spun around and I gasped. Her blue eyes bore into mine and her expression was shocked.  
"Freddie?" She asked.  
"Melanie, I um thought that…"  
"You thought I was Sam," my heart cracked when she said her name. I nodded and she hugged me. She may have looked exactly like Sam but she was nothing like her. Sam smelled like bacon and Melanie smelled like flowers. Sam didn't need makeup to be beautiful, Melanie wore as much as Carly did. We had lunch and talked for a few hours. When I got home that night I cried more than I did the day she died. It was then I made the worst and best decision of my life. I took all the pills from the medicine cabinet and fell asleep for the last time.

I opened my eyes to a warm field of flowers. Sam was there. She was wearing a short white dress and her blonde curls ran freely around her shoulders. I ran to her and threw my arms around her.

"You shouldn't have done that Freddie," she whispered in my ear.  
"I love you," I told her drinking in the feel of her in my arms.  
"You don't think I love you too?" She pulled away and took my hand. She led me through the field toward a warm glowing light. "Don't be afraid, I'm right here" I held her hand tighter and walked with her to the end and beginning of everything.


End file.
